i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
