i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
lol hangovers are for mortals.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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