did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
