You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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