I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
