Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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