he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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