organizing the empties. That sober.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
