no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Me too!
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
