How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
