Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
