I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
