She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
