dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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