maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
