I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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