You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
