No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
