Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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