I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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