remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
