he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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