He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
