Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
My vagina is very pro this idea
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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