Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
