she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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