I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
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