He kissed a someone with a penis
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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