Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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