I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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