We named our party play list daddy issues
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
