Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Fuck me I smell like cheese
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
