Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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