i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Found your dick twin last night
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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