what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
