i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
That accounts for only three of the penises
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
