apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
