Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
