Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
