my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
