bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
It's blow job season.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
