I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
