Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
