never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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