All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
