Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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