and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
