im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
