my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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