I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
