Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
