If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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