There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
