end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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