I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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