After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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