im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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