my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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