if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
