Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
