Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
