I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
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Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
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She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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