So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
