I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
