Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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