I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
