pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I party with great urgency now.
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