so that wasnt chicken after all
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
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