Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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