So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
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