I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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