im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
