oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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