i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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