I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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