that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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