my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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