Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
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